Tenerife
blogMy first impressions of Tenerife are of a strictly tourist economy patronised by ugly British people. The faces of those on my plane are worn, battered by enduring a thousand petty slights at work. This is the backbone of the nation. Poor saps working in industrial employment going on industrial holidays.
When we get to Playa de las Americas, though, we can see that is dying. It’s only April, but the sense of decay in the town is palpable. Most deathly are the British haunts, tragic little bars selling Full English Breakfast, PG Tips, Worthingtons bitter, and fish ‘n’ chips. Our ‘rep’ in the Dreamplace Noelia Sur had been repping for 10 years, three years in Tenerife. She didn’t look happy. Ten years of drunken Brits, fake enthusiasm, and trying to sell overpriced excursions can’t help.
At every bar in the Veronicas (the main strip of clubs and bars) there is a tout to beckon you in. They say ‘hello are you having a drink tonight?’ to which the answer in most cases is, of course, yes. Trouble is, as soon as you engage in any sort of conversation with them, any polite reaction, they go in for the kill by offering special deals and a fun time. If you demur they increase the aggression knowing that there is nothing to be lost. It is awful when you are trying to have a quiet walk.
I don’t know whether it’s the credit crunch and the realignment in the world economy but the British are vastly outnumbered by Germans and Scandinavians, strong surly Nordic races with stable economies. I wonder what they think of the simulacrum of English bars — fake bars like the Mett Bar (sic), China’s White (sic), the Rock cafe, and all the rest. I wonder how they react when grotesque harridans assail them outside nasty discos delivering their spiel to try and entice them inside. I guess they never have to encounter it, because they have all-inclusive deals at the hotel, meaning they don’t have to worry about leaving their hotels, unless it is to go on an excursion.
Tenerife needs new memes. The arms race of the bars — competiting with more touts, more live singers, more football, cheaper breakfasts — has reduced the town to the equivalent of a website covered in vulgar flash banners.