Conversational Gambits
blogI have had wonderful conversations in my time. I’ve been a wit and the cause of wit in others. I’ve had ideas that would make Voltaire swoon, overturning all his prejudices. But this is, alas, only occasionally.
Other times I talk to people and just have nothing to say. It will be silent or I will say something so obvious and uninteresting that they look at me as if to say “is this guy for real? Is he taking the piss? Is he really that boring?” I’m haunted by the memory of when conversations went bad.
But why can’t I have conversations with anyone?
My first thought is that it must be the person and whether you have chemistry or shared values. But ideally there would be a conversationali gambit, as in chess. Something that gets you off to a good start.
What is the king pawn to king pawn four of conversation?
I don’t know but I’d like to find out.
My old method was just to ask people questions and by doing so I can elcit from them some kind of hook that will produce something interesting, an anecdote, a joke, an idea. But lately I find that I’m either not interested or they are too reticent. Firstly you have to get people to open up. NLP suggests you should mirror a person, copying their rhythms or language to create a sense of sympathy.
Maybe I should just talk to someone about it.