10 Steps to a Shorter Lifespan
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With the current financial crisis decimating pensions, people all over the world are looking to reduce their lifespan. With this easy 10 step guide, I will show you how you can ensure that you never make it past 65!
1. Go to sleep at 1am because you have been arguing with your wife about whether neuroscience will ever be able to explain the concept of desire.
2. Have the bloke in the flat next door start playing guitar at 6am.
3. Realise that you can’t sleep so get up to work out who is playing the guitar.
4. Bang on the wall impotently for a few seconds.
5. Think about whether it is worth putting on pyjamas to go out of my flat, down the lift, and out of our block in order to ring the doorbell.
6. Eat muesli with angry shovelling motions.
7. Go to the spare room and push earplugs so deep they touch my brain.
8. Simmer with fight or flight cortisone coursing through the body, rendering me incapable of sleep.
9. Get woken up at 8.25am meaning that I have to rush like a maniac in order to get to work on time.
10. Feel so tired and hungry that you have to drink coffee and eat chocolate to stay awake.
Remember: a stressed life is a short life!