Neilism

Neil Scott. Designer. Based in Glasgow.

Weekend Away

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Having used the majority of my annual leave getting married, these days my only relief from the bleak monotony of Glasgow life is the occasional weekend away.

So I rushed home from work on Friday night, packed my bag, gavaged some leftovers down my throat, did the washing up, and trotted down the road to get the bus to the airport where (of course), because of delays, I had to wait an hour and a half to get the plane to Gatwick.

It sometimes feels like modern air travel is designed to be as horrible as possible, but when you are equipped with ear plugs and Ray Kurzweil’s book on the singularity (my new obsession), it is just about bearable.

It has been over three years since I moved from the capital and each time I visit it becomes more exotic. One is struck by how overcrowded it is and by how many foreigners there are. On the bus to Peckham, I didn’t know where to look as hardworking immigrants with bloodshot eyes competed with schizophrenic afro-caribbeans for grimey seats on the number 36.

On Saturday we got soaked as we walked from the NFT to Tate Modern, which was rather appropriate given that Dominique Gonzalez-Foerster installation in the Turbine Hall is an imagining of the year 2058 in which rain and damp is destroying world culture. All of my favourite books are on the 200 iron bunk beds: Drowned World, Lathe of Heaven, Ficciones . . . it’s almost as though she had read my mind. Alternatively, that which was once wild science-fiction is now considered a realistic forecast of what is to come.

tate modern

In the evening we went to Cay Tre, a Vietnamese restaurant in Hoxton, where I was served a magnificent tofu soup and an interesting Heaven and Earth pork dish that had some kind of gelatinous pork scratching thing in it. Yum.

Some people, when they get bored of contemporary music, stop going to gigs and start going to restaurants. The restaurants are the venues and the dishes are the bands, it is a pretty neat transition I think. On Sunday, however, we went to Leighton Buzzard, where a man interested in contemporary music cooked us the best roast I have had for ages. It was the perfect way to end what was, despite modern travel, a lovely weekend.

07 Nov 2008

10 Steps to a Shorter Lifespan

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With the current financial crisis decimating pensions, people all over the world are looking to reduce their lifespan. With this easy 10 step guide, I will show you how you can ensure that you never make it past 65!

1. Go to sleep at 1am because you have been arguing with your wife about whether neuroscience will ever be able to explain the concept of desire.

2. Have the bloke in the flat next door start playing guitar at 6am.

3. Realise that you can’t sleep so get up to work out who is playing the guitar.

4. Bang on the wall impotently for a few seconds.

5. Think about whether it is worth putting on pyjamas to go out of my flat, down the lift, and out of our block in order to ring the doorbell.

6. Eat muesli with angry shovelling motions.

7. Go to the spare room and push earplugs so deep they touch my brain.

8. Simmer with fight or flight cortisone coursing through the body, rendering me incapable of sleep.

9. Get woken up at 8.25am meaning that I have to rush like a maniac in order to get to work on time.

10. Feel so tired and hungry that you have to drink coffee and eat chocolate to stay awake.

Remember: a stressed life is a short life!

06 Nov 2008

Obama FTW

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I know I have a reputation as devil’s advocate, but even I feel good about the fact that Barack Obama has captured the zeitgeist and looks set to secure a landslide victory in today’s election. In a two party system, it is impossible not to take sides and I don’t know how anyone could identify with the combination of a very old man and a very stupid woman when there is a young, intelligent man there for the electing.

Of course, it could still go the other way (my conspiracy theorist friend at work has £25 on McCain at 7 to 1 and seems quite pleased with himself), but surely the world isn’t so topsy-turvy that Americans could choose stupidity over sense . . . Oh God, we’re all doomed!

04 Nov 2008